Behind These Homunculus Eyes
by Glass Petals
Summary: What do five humunculus do when no ones around, chaos pure chaos. Come in and see for yourself. Not a songfic.CRACKr&r!
1. Chapter 1

_**Hello people! This is my first Fullmetal Alchemist fic so no flames plz! I hope you all like! Oh and this is not a song fic!**_

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_**Behind these Homunculus Eyes**_

In the homunculus household five homunculi lived there: Envy, Lust, Wrath, Sloth, and Gluttony. Envy was painting his nails a purple color while laying on top a table. Wrath was reading a book that read: _How to kill the very dumb. _While looking at Envy.

"Look at my nails aren't they awesome!" Yelled Envy showing off his poorly painted purple nails to everybody.

"Yeah, there great." Said Wrath sarcastically.

"Your just jealous of my skills." Said Envy.

"What skills you mean turning your penis into a-" Wrath was cut off by Envy.

"What did you say?" Yelled Envy. " I know your weakness!" Said Envy.

"You wouldn't dare." Said Wrath as Envy transformed into…Barney!

Envy started chasing Wrath around as Barney. Wrath was throwing multiply objects in reach at Envy. He grabbed a lamp and began beating him with it in till it broke. Somehow Wrath managed to grab Gluttony, who was throwing up in the bathroom, he thought he was fat. However Wrath grabbed Gluttony he did and threw Gluttony like a bowling ball at Envy. Gluttony rolled over Envy turning back into himself. Wrath went back to reading and Envy went to his room.

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"Well you all shut up!" Said Sloth drunk. She had been drinking a lot recently. Lust had to drag her to conceal to get her back off her drinking habits. But she would just beat the living shit out of the conceiler with beer bottles.

Lust, however was making smiley face cookies for everybody. When she handed one to Gluttony he began to cry sense he thought they were comforting him sense he was fat, and went back to throwing up.

When she walked to Envy's room Envy busted out of the door leaving Lust underneath it.

"I have found out something." He began.

"Oh god." Muttered Wrath.

"I found out that if I was a girl I'd be one hot-peace-of-ass!" He ended.

"Oh my god! I knew you were gay all along!" Yelled Wrath pointing a numerous random objects.

"What you make me cry! BOO-HOO BOO-HOO!" He fake cried as he ran into his room.

"Poor thing… Do I think he needs a hug…" Started Lust.

"I think… He… Needs beer!" Sang Sloth drunk.

"I think he needs to be killed!" Protested Wrath.

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In his room Envy had put on a pink mini skirt, and a yellow polo. Everything he had on clashed he looked like the god of cross-dressing.

Envy walked out of his room to show the others. "How do you like?" He said girlishly.

"Oh my god! He is gender-confused!" Yelled Wrath as he covered his eyes in shame. "Mommy kill him!" He screamed.

Sloth got up and broke her beer bottle. "I'll kill him good." She said walking and almost falling a few times and almost running into random objects. She got to a lamp and started hitting it with the beer bottle, the lamp was what she thought was Envy.

Everybody stared even Gluttony who was trying to get skinny by throwing up.

Envy then broke the silence. "I will show off my hotness to the world!" He screamed as he run outside. He hooked up a stereo and stared dancing to "My humps" by the Black Eyed Peas. Everybody screamed in terror as he moved his rump to the motion. Babies cried and some died little boys ran away fearing he was Michael Jackson.

Suddenly, the people stared a riot at destroyed everything. Envy managed to escape with only his cloths torn showing his usually outfit. Though he wasn't safe yet some girl was throwing nail-polish-remover everywhere.

"OH MY GOOOOOODDDDD! IT GOT IN MY EYE!" Screamed Envy as he ran around searching for water. Wrath then transmuted his arm into a machine gun began blasting away James Bond style. Lust was throw cookies everywhere, Sloth was still fighting the lamp and Gluttony was dead because he threw up too much.

A car in the distance was visible. The car stopped it and Dante came out.

"DAMNNIT I LEAVE TO GET GROCERIES AND YOU ALL START A RIOT GET INSIDE!" Screamed Dante.

Envy had his head in a bowl of water with his eyes open. Lust stopped throwing cookies and Wrath stopped shooting people.

"My god look what you all did! Gluttony is dead, and Sloth is fighting a lamp! What the hell happened?" Yelled Dante pointing to what see was talking about.

"Um… Well you see Envy was being gay and painting his nails," Began Wrath.

"No I wasn't you threw Gluttony at me!" Yelled Envy.

"In my defense! You were proberly gonna' rape me as Barney!" Yelled Wrath.

"I was just trying to make cookies!" Said Lust about to breakdown.

"All of you just shut up!" Yelled Dante. Then Lust broke-down crying and Wrath and Envy began killing each other with lamps as light-sabers. And so… There well never be peace in the homunculus household.

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_**(A/N) So how did you guys like? Plz give me hints how I could of made this better if it sucks thx!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_Behind these Homunculus Eyes_

Yup it's another chapter of this plz review :

Disclaimer: I don't own full metal alchemist a Japanese dude does.

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Dante watched as she saw Lust crying like a baby without food and Wrath and Envy fight like they were Jedi's. She looked in her bag to find something useful, and she found a wrench. She took the wrench and threw it at Envy's head sending out the window, Wrath jumped after him and begin to beat him with the lamp again. Dante walked to Lust and slapped her across the face until she stopped crying.

Dante now walked to Sloth and threw her out the window, where she finally found Envy and begin beating him with the beer bottle.

Dante looked in her grocery bag and saw she forgot the milk!

"Damn, I have to go back and get the milk!" she thought, as she remembered what happened the last time she forgot milk for Lust.

_Lust had just finished making cookies for everybody, she walked to the refridgtor and opened it and looked for the milk. But, there was no milk! She began to twitch…very badly. First, it was just her left eye, then her nose then Envy walked beside her and that's when her arm began to twitch. With every twitch of her arm a slap across the face for Envy._

_After ten minutes Envy walked away, right when he turned around Lust arm twitched and slapped his ass. He stopped and turned around towards Lust, and then a punch from Lust sent him out of the room, was that a twitch or was it? She began to turn green and turned into the hulk screaming about how the cookie gods are angered. After ten minutes the house was destroyed. _

Dante's eyes widen, she had to get milk. But what would happen if she left them home alone again.

_Dante got the milk and got out of her car she saw the destruction , everywhere in flames, Lust beating somebody with a cookie pan, Envy dancing, Wrath…was…out of sight, Sloth was having a grand battle with a giant lamp._

"Hell no!" Thought Dante, "Come out to the car, NOW!" Yelled Dante. They all showed up at her car outside.

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"Get in!" Dante ordered.

Lust, Envy and Wrath sat in the back, Sloth convinced Dante she should drive. So Sloth got in the driver's seat and Dante in the passenger seat. After 5 minutes of Sloth trying to get the keys in to start the car she finally got them in, and started up the car and sped away. Dante silently prayed to herself.

They were now on the highway Sloth speeding merrily on she way, until she got behind a slow person! She then did a sharp turn and got beside the car. She rolled down the window and threw a beer bottle at the person, it hit the person in the head and he began to swerve and ending up running into a gas truck. A fiery explosion happened causing Sloth to speed up.

"That taught him a lesson." Said Sloth proudly.

Then the police were chasing down Sloth.

"THE POPO!" Yelled Sloth. She sped up she was passing cars everywhere. "I don't have time for the popo at a time like this! Envy got on the roof of the car and dance!"

Envy screamed for joy as he jumped onto the top of the car and began to dance "My humps style". The popo stopped and turned around faster then they were chasing the car. Envy got back in the car, he was very sad.

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They got near the grocery store. There was a red light but Sloth ran it, it was very bumpy. Sloth thought why it was so bumpy. The reason was she ran a red light when old people were crossing the street and she ran over a few. Sloth saw a spot up in the front with a car turning into; she threw her arm out the window, as it turned to water it sent the car into the brick wall of the store. She did a sharp turn into the spot sending Envy to slam into the window.

Dante holding her chest thinking she almost had a heart attack this car ride. They all got out and walked to the grocery store. They were inside and Lust grabbed a basket thing and walked to the cookie section. They was only one cookie roll left, and a lady put her hands on it the same time Lust did. Lust looked at her in the eye and pulled on the cookie roll harder, the lady did the same. With her free head Lust grabbed a roll of the very hard French bread and beat the girl in the head with it. The lady fell to the ground, Lust looked around and rapidity beat the lady with the bread. The lady's face was all bloody and so was the bread Lust dropped the bread and ran away.

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Sloth found herself in the lamp aisle, her eyes widened as she saw all the Envys (lamps) she grabbed a near by odd person's cane, which caused him to fall to the ground and break his hip. With her now trusty cane she began to exterminate all the Envys (lamps). The manager of the place came up to her and tired to tell her to stop but just got hit in the face with the cane. He ordered for security, but then an employ said there was no security. He asked for a baseball bat, one came flying at him and hit him in the face.

He grabbed the bat and got up and sent a blow to Sloth. Before it could make contact Sloth blocked it with her cane then kicked the guy in the balls and resumed her fight with the Envys (lamps).

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Envy was with Wrath in the nail polish aisle, Envy showed to different colors of nail polish.

"Which one?" Asked Envy. Wrath read the labels on them "Gay-ass green" and "Perfect Purple". Wrath pointed to the green one. He out the purple one back, "This one is for Dante." Shit thought Wrath. He thought of what Dante might do to him.

"_What the hell is this?" Said Dante looking at the nail polish. "Wrath I'm gonna have to put you in the room. I'm very mad at you." She grabbed Wrath by the neck and opened a door and threw him in it. Inside it was just him and Barney._

"_Its bath time let me help you undress and let me help me clean you." Said Barney. Wrath began to scream as the purple monster walked closer to him._

Wrath's were eyes wide as can be. He quickly grabbed the nail polish and threw it in Envy's eye and grabbed the purple one and ran away. Envy ran around screaming about his eye but no one cared. Envy finally calmed down about his eye and saw Sloth on a tricycle riding it at high speeds fight some guy with a baseball with her trusty cane. Envy deciding to jump on Sloth. Envy grabbed a shovel and stuck it in the tires of the guy's tricycle, causing him to flip forward and spin outta control till he landed in a big blob of jelly.

With the guy out of the way Envy saw Wrath running towards Dante. He wanted revenge, badly, so he grabbed Barney doll and threw it in front of Wrath. Wrath stopped right in his tracks, Envy grabbed a water hose and swung it around like a lasso and launched it at Wrath. He caught had caught Wrath. He held a tight grip to the hose as Sloth sped past Wrath; Wrath was being dragged behind by the water hose.

"Let me the go, damnit!" Yelled Wrath.

"Never!" Yelled Envy. Lust was running with her cookie doll, she noticed Wrath beside her sliding on the ground. She decided to jump on Wrath and ride him like a surf-broad. She grabbed Wrath and jumped up and did a front flip with Wrath like any other surfer. Sloth started to turn as she saw Dante exiting the store with the milk. She followed Dante and made her hop on top of Envy. Sloth went for the car and stepped on the breaks send Lust to break the window of another car. Wrath got him self out of the rope and showed Dante the nail polish he got for her.

"Here I got this for you." Said Wrath handing the nail polish to Wrath.

"What the hell is this!? I don't wear nail polish, I'm gonna have to put you in the _room_." Said Dante. Wrath's eyes turned big and wide and tears came out of them as he got I the car.

Everybody survived another drive with Sloth driving and when they got to there house they all got out to see. An over large ugly mutated Gluttony was destroying the town they lived in.

"What did you guys do with Gluttony's dead body?" Asked Dante.

"Um…..I flushed it down the toilet." Said Wrath.

"That explains a lot." Said Dante.

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That's it for this chapter. How do you like? Review plz. 


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